Sick for too long: I cannot sleep

kingwithoutak:

So I’m going to justtalk a while and get some shit out of my head.

My grandparents and sister left today from visiting for the Holidays. It was nice to see them all, but I feel like I wasted time and didn’t spend enough time with them. Instead while my sister was up I spent time with one of my…

Thank you for giving me this final push. That you were talking about me like this before anything even happened. Thank you. That you were lying to me even more than you already have. Thank you. I’m sorry, Tyler. I’m sorry. There’s not much more I can say for that. I’m sorry. I hope you’re happy. I hope you enjoy yourself. I’m sorry I’ve only ever been a negative aspect in your life. I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted on multiple occasions, I regret it. I’ve lost myself so many times looking or worrying for your approval, and just ended up with the opposite effect to what I sought. I’m sorry I gave up so many positive things only to become someone you obviously despise. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for thinking that you ever saw me as a friend. I’m sorry that we’ve never been able to see things through each other’s eyes.

I know you’re going to end up doing something fantastic. I know you’re going to end up happy whatever you’re doing, living your life how you want to. That’s how you’ve always been. I’m sorry I held you back this long. I sometimes look at what you wrote on your senior picture and it’s painful because I know it’s not true. I’m sorry. I’m always going to miss you, I’m going to miss laughing with you, but I know you’ll be happy. And that’s all that matters, I’m so sorry for everything. Good luck Tyler.